The darwin award is "given" to people who removed their genes of dumbness from possibly beeing spread over the human race (what in fact means: They killed theirselves by their stupidity). The Winner 1998: Telephone relay company night watchman Edward Baker, 31, was killed early Christmas morning by excessive microwave radiation exposure. He was apparently attempting to keep warm next to a telecommunications feedhorn. Baker had been suspended on a safety violation once last year, according to Northern Manitoba Signal Relay spokesperson Tanya Cooke. She noted that Baker's earlier infraction was for defeating a safety shut-off switch and entering a restricted maintenance catwalk in order to stand in front of the microwave dish. He had told coworkers that it was the only way he could stay warm during his twelve-hour shift at the station, where winter temperatures often dip to forty below zero. Microwaves can heat water molecules within human tissue in the same way that they heat food in microwave ovens. For his Christmas shift, Baker reportedly brought a twelve pack of beer and a plastic lawn chair, which he positioned directly in line with the strongest microwave beam. Baker had not been told about a tenfold boost in microwave power planned that night to handle the anticipated increase in holiday long-distance calling traffic. Baker's body was discovered by the daytime watchman, John Burns, who was greeted by an odor he mistook for a Christmas roast he thought Baker must have prepared as a surprise. Burns also reported to NMSR company officials that Baker's unfinished beers had exploded. The Winner 1997: It seemed like a good idea at the time... Two friends decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the amphitheatre. Having no tickets (but 18 beers between them) they sat in the parking lot, and after finishing the beer, decided that it would be easy enough to hop over the nine-foot high fence and sneak into the show. The two friends pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for the first friend (100 pounds heavier than the second friend) to hop over, and then assist his friend over the fence. Unfortunately for the first friend, there was a 30 foot drop on the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted by a large branch which snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree, with one arm broken, the first friend looked down and saw a group of bushes below him. Figuring the bushes would break his fall, the first friend removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree. When finally free, the first friend crashed below into Holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his entire body and now being without his shorts, he was the unwilling victim of a holly branch penetrating his rectal cavity. To make matters worse, his pocket knife proceeded to fall with him and landed three inches into his left thigh. Seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, the second friend decided to throw him a rope and pull him to safety. However, weighing about 100 pounds less, he decided the best course of action would be to tie the rope to the pickup truck. This is when things went from bad to worse. In his drunken state, the second friend put the truck into the wrong gear, pressed on the gas, and crashed through the fence, landing on and killing his friend. the second friend was thrown from the truck, suffered massive internal injuries and also died at the scene. Police arrived to find a pickup truck with its driver thrown 100 feet from the vehicle and upon moving the truck, a half naked man, with numerous scratches, holly stuck up his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and a pair of shorts dangling from the tree branches 25 feet in the air. The Winner 96: Gee, it worked before... (1996, Toronto) Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the building's windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously had conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter Lauwers, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man association. The Winner 95: Coke is it! Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke (tm) machine, which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it. WEB MASTER'S NOTE: There are actually several people on an annual basis who manage to kill themselves this way. You'd think they'd learn after a while . . . (Web Mistress' Note: Learn, sorry darlin...remember Darwin... they can't pass on the acquired traits if they're dead...) Best Runnerup 97 (because he survived): arry's boyhood dream was to fly. When he graduated from high school, he joined the Air Force in hopes of becoming a pilot. Unfortunately, poor eyesight disqualified him. When he was finally discharged, he had to satisfy himself with watching jets fly over his backyard. One day, Larry had a bright idea. He decided to fly. He went to the local Army-Navy surplus store and purchased 45 weather balloons and several tanks of helium. The weather balloons, when fully inflated, would measure more than four feet across. Back home, Larry securely strapped the balloons to his sturdy lawn chair. He anchored the chair to the bumper of his jeep and inflated the balloons with the helium. He climbed on for a test while it was still only a few feet above the ground. Satisfied it would work, Larry packed several sandwiches and a six-pack of Miller Lite, loaded his pellet gun -- figuring he could pop a few balloons when it was time to descend -- and went back to the floating lawn chair. He tied himself in along with his pellet gun and provisions. Larry's plan was to lazily float up to a height of about 30 feet above his back yard after severing the anchor and in a few hours come back down. Things didn't quite work out that way. When he cut the cord anchoring the lawn chair to his jeep, he didn't float lazily up to 30 or so feet. Instead he streaked into the LA sky as if shot from a cannon. He didn't level off at 30 feet, nor did he level off at 100 feet. After climbing and climbing, he levelled off at 11,000 feet. At that height he couldn't risk shooting any of the balloons, lest he unbalance the load and really find himself in trouble. So he stayed there, drifting, cold and frightened, for more than 14 hours. Then he really got in trouble. He found himself drifting into the the primary approach corridor of Los Angeles International Airport. A United pilot first spotted Larry. He radioed the tower and described passing a guy in a lawn chair with a gun. Radar confirmed the existence of an object floating 11,000 feet above the airport. LAX emergency procedures swung into full alert and a helicopter was dispatched to investigate. LAX is right on the ocean. Night was falling and the offshore breeze began to flow. It carried Larry out to sea with the helicopter in hot pursuit. Several miles out, the helicopter caught up with Larry. Once the crew determined that Larry was not dangerous, they attempted to close in for a rescue but the draft from the blades would push Larry away whenever they neared. Finally, the helicopter ascended to a position several hundred feet above Larry and lowered a rescue line. Larry snagged the line and was hauled back to shore. The difficult maneuver was flawlessly executed by the helicopter crew. As soon as Larry was hauled to earth, he was arrested by waiting members of the LAPD for violating LAX airspace. As he was led away in handcuffs, a reporter dispatched to cover the daring rescue asked why he had done it. Larry stopped, turned and replied nonchalantly, "A man can't just sit around." Let's hear it for Larry Walters, the 1997 Darwin Award Winner. Another nominee for this year's Darwin Award: There are many transmission lines that criss-cross Connecticut. These are held up by Transmission Towers of various constructions. Those most commonly installed near urban areas are called "metal Ornamental Towers" (supposedly prettier than wood towers). Sometimes adventurous folks climb the towers in order to enjoy the view and the night air. Most stay away from the wires, and when they get bored, come back down. Apparently, a man who was forlorn after a recent spat with his girlfriend needed some fresh air to clear his head and decided to climb a tower. He stopped for a 6 pack to help clear his thoughts, went to a tower south of Hartford, next to I-91, and climbed it. Public Service employees later pieced the story together. The man sat there 60 feet above the highway, drank his beer and consoled his bruised ego. After 5 beers, he needed to do what people often need to do after 5 beers. It being such a long hike down, he unzipped and did his business right there off the tower. Electricity is a funny thing. One doesn't need to touch a wire in order to get shocked. Depending on conditions, 115,000 volt lines, like those supported by the tower, could shock a person as far away as 6 feet. When the man "whizzed" near the conductor (wire), the power arced to his "stream" (urine is an excellent conductor of electricity), traveled up to his private parts, and blew him off the tower. The guys at the power company noted a momentary outage on this line and sent repairmen to see if there was any damage. When they got to the scene of the accident, they found a very dead person, his fly down, what was left of his private parts smoking, and a single beer left on top of the tower. Nominated 1999: 1 - LOS ANGELES, CA. Ani Saduki, 33, and his brother decided to remove a bees nest from a shed on their property with the aid of a pineapple. A pineapple is an illegal firecracker which is the explosive equivalent of one-half stick of dynamite. They ignited the fuse and retreated to watch from inside their home, behind a window some 10 feet away from the hive/shed. The concussion of the explosion shattered the window inwards, seriously lacerating Ani. Deciding Mr. Saduki needed stitches, the brothers headed out to go to a nearby hospital. While walking towards their car, Ani was stung three times by the surviving bees. Unbeknownst to either brother, Ani was allergic to bee venom, and died of Suffocation enroute to the hospital. 2 - Derrick L. Richards, 28, was charged in April in Minneapolis with third-degree murder in the death of his beloved cousin, Kenneth E.Richards. According to police, Derrick suggested a game of Russian Roulette and put a semi-automatic pistol (instead of the more traditional revolver) to Ken's head and fired. 3 - PHILLIPSBURG, NJ. An unidentified 29 year old male choked to death on a sequined pastie he had orally removed from an exotic dancer at a local establishment. "I didn't think he was going to eat it," the dancer identified only as "Ginger" said, adding "He was really drunk." 4 - In February, according to police in WINDSOR, ONT., Daniel Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles. 5 - MOSCOW, Russia - A drunk security man asked a colleague at the Moscow bank they were guarding to stab his bulletproof vest to see if it would protect him against a knife attack. It didn't, and the 25-year-old guard died of a heart wound. (It's good to see the Russians getting into the spirit of the Darwin Awards.) True Company Devotion In March in Tokyo, a 58-year-old executive, upset at Bridgestone Tire Co.'s large-scale (and for Japan, unusual) downsizing, which included a request that he accept early retirement, committed ritual hara-kiri with a 14-inch fish-slicing knife in a company conference room. Source: Humor.com No need for a hung jury... In February, the mayor of Carsonville, Mich. (population 583), hung himself in his tool shed three days before a contentious recall election, provoked by objections to his bill-paying lapses and violations of open-meetings laws. Source: Humor.com No need for Cement Shoes... ORLANDO, Fla. (Reuters) - An unidentified man was found naked and dead on the back of a killer whale in a tank at SeaWorld Orlando Tuesday morning, apparently after hiding in the Florida theme park after closing time, police said. ``The man was sort of draped over the whale's back behind the dorsal fin,'' said Jim Solomons, spokesman for the Orange County Sheriff's office. ``There was no obvious trauma -- he wasn't bitten or chewed up or anything.'' The 11,000-pound (4,990 kg) orca named Tillikum, the largest at any theme park in the world, may have thought the 180-pound (82 kg) man was something to play with, like a squeeze toy, Solomons said. Investigators said an autopsy would determine the cause of death, with drowning considered a strong possibility. Police said the victim was a 27-year-old Miami man, based on identification papers found in some clothes stashed near the whale tank, but they were withholding his name pending verification. Swimming trunks were found at the bottom of the pool. ``We believe this might have been a man who was seen around the park for several days taking an interest in the whales,'' said SeaWorld general manager Vic Abbey. ``He may have been hiding until the park closed.'' Trainers said the orca whale, a retired performer from a defunct park in Victoria, British Columbia, was sometimes used in shows, but trainers and performers do not go into his tank. Tillikum is never allowed to interact with park guests. The whale has not been in the water with a human since an incident in which a trainer in Canada was killed, Abbey said. He spends his Florida retirement performing stud services and has sired four calves. ``We've never had any trouble with this animal,'' trainer Chuck Thompkins said. ``I've never noticed any aggressive behavior. ``This isn't a bad animal; he's a good animal,'' Abbey said. Abbey said this was the first incident of its kind in the 35-year history of the SeaWorld parks. The SeaWorld marine parks, in Orlando, Cleveland, Ohio, San Antonio, Texas, and San Diego, are owned by Anheuser-Busch Cos. source: : http://dailynews.yahoo.com Draw! MILWAUKEE - It started out as a night of youthful bragging between two friends to see who was the quicker draw with handguns they thought were unloaded. It ended with one teen dead and the other paralyzed from the neck down and charged with reckless homicide. On Thursday, a prosecutor said Eduardo Rivera, 17, will still be tried, but as a juvenile. He said he would not ask for jail time because of the boy's condition. "We feel it's very important that Mr. Rivera be held accountable for what he did, even if he may not be incarcerated because of it," prosecutor Steven Licata said. "Every time we focus on Mr. Rivera in his wheelchair, there's a woman in the back of the room whose son is dead. We don't want to forget about her." source: : USA Today online 8/6/99 Shocking News UKRAINIAN MAN DIES AFTER FISHING WITH LIVE ELECTRIC CABLE Kiev (dpa) - A Ukrainian man died of an electric shock when he used a live electric cable to fish in the river Tereblya, according to press reports Wednesday. The 43-year-old man connected the cable to the mains in his house and put it in the water to kill fish by electric shock, the Fakty newspaper reported. When the dead fish appeared on the water surface, he went to collect his take. He died of electric shock as the electric cable remained in the water. The man reportedly intended to use the fish as a mourning meal to mark the first anniversary of his mother-in-law's death. 5/26/99 Why You Shouldn't Always Fool Around in the Back Seat... Fußball-Profi starb mit Freundin beim Sex Bukarest - Tragischer Tod eines rumänischen Fußball-Profis und seiner Freundin beim Sex im Auto: Mario Bugeano, Mittelfeldspieler beim Erstligisten Gloria Bistrita, und seine Freundin Mirela Iancu starben an einer Kohlenmonoxid-Vergiftung in ihrem Wagen. Die rumänische Polizei teilte mit, daß das Paar in einer Garage bei laufendem Motor Sex hatte und sich der Gefahren der Abgase offenbar nicht bewußt war. Das Paar wurde vom Vater des Fußballspielers tot aufgefunden. And translated: Soccer professional died while having sex with his girlfriend Bucarest (Romania)- The tragic death of a Romanian soccer player and his girlfriend occured while the couple were having sex in a car: Mario B., midfield player in the first division team Gloria Bistrita, and his girlfriend Mirela I. died of a carbon monoxide (CO) intoxication in their car. As the Romanian police explained, the couple had sex in a garage while the engine of the car was running and they were (obviously, ed.) not aware of the danger of the exaust. The couple was found dead by the soccer player's father. Tue, March 23rd on a website related to soccer and other kinds of sports (www.ran.de) Gun Control Means Hitting Your Target. Police investigate accidental shooting by Jim Rankin, Toronto Star "See how safe this gun is," the man bragged to his friends. James Ferreira, 28, had been drinking in an upscale cafe with a few of his buddies when he pulled out the small loaded semi-automatic handgun and placed the barrel to his head. According to witnesses who have spoken to Toronto police, they apparently believed the handgun's safety was engaged. He squeezed the trigger, it gave. His friends watched him die. One police officer was quoted as saying "I think that was a big shock for most of his friends."